Your face is a jimmy john
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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