At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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