i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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