i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
don't judge my taste in strippers
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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