Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Mom said you looked used
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
