wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I need to stop coming to work sober
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
