I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Even my vagina gasped.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
