True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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