I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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