i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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