What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
