Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
