I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
