It's a beautiful day for a hangover
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize
