There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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