I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
