some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
