There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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