Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
