you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
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