If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
