i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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