Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
