when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
