ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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