if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
pray to the hookup gods
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
