We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Found your dick twin last night
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
