I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
