She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Randomize
