Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
