i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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