When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
