I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
