She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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