i would punch a child for taco bell
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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