It's like God shit irony all over that family
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
