I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
