You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
