Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
