I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
