the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
