He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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