Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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