after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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