Just fell off a train. Bad.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
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