This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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