worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
