We named our party play list daddy issues
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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