Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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