i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
