Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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