quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I think people are normalizing furries
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
