I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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