Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
